


See My Courage Fail

by femmehawke



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: Malachor V, i warned for violence just to be safe??? since it's about malachor, implied revan/exile but can be read platonically?, kotor prequel, the mandalorian wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 22:35:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16941999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/femmehawke/pseuds/femmehawke
Summary: Revan is late.Senna is standing on the bridge frantically issuing orders in a desperate attempt to get through this with as few casualties as possible, and the woman that most of her troops are fighting for is late.Dxun had been bad. Malachor V is so much worse.





	See My Courage Fail

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to write something about Malachor V. It's a really important moment in the Exile's life, but we don't get a lot of details about it in-game. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> The Title is from Dear Wormwood by the oh Hellos

Revan is late.

Senna is standing on the bridge frantically issuing orders in a desperate attempt to get through this with as few casualties as possible, and the woman that most of her troops are fighting for is late.

Dxun had been bad. Malachor V is so much worse.

She’s lost count of how many Republic ships the Mandalorians had shot down. She keeps getting transmission from the surface updating her on lost squads, terrified scouts and civilian casualties.

Malachor V isn’t a battle. It’s a slaughterhouse, and all she can do is stand there and watch, horrified as more and more of her people fall.

“Still no word from the Commander, General.” A nervous Mirialan woman informs her. She’s so young. They’re all so young.

(It feels like a hundred years have passed since she, Rea and Alek left the order, full of good intentions and plans for a better future. Young and innocent and out of their depth.

It has barely been four.)

“Let me know the moment that changes.” She forces her voice to remain steady.

“I… As you say, Sir.” The woman half-jogs away, eager to escape the tension building on the bridge.

She can feel the fear crackling in the air around her. It’s thick and suffocating and she can’t breathe.

That’s when it hits her. Rea – No. Not Rea. Revan. Rea is gone. A shadow of her former self, hollowed out by her own corruption – isn’t coming.

Not until the massacre is over. Not until she can swoop in and win the battle last minute, and Senna knows that the Republic will crown her a hero no matter how many corpses she has to step over to achieve victory.

She allows herself just a moment of self-indulgent vanity and wonders if that’s why she’s here.

Is this meant to be her grave?

Rea would never knowingly send her to her death, but Revan is cold and calculated and willing to sacrifice anything to achieve her means.

After all, what’s a bishop to a queen?

She watches the horror show from on the surface for a moment longer, and she knows that she has no choice.

(That’s a lie. There’s always a choice. She could retreat. Leave with their remaining ships and let her troops gather their strength for another battle.

Somehow that doesn’t feel like an option.

Perhaps she’s more like Revan than she wants to admit.)

She makes eye contact with the soft-spoken Zabrak tech next to her, and it strikes her that she doesn’t even remember his name. She doesn’t know if he has family that will miss him if he falls in battle. All she knows is that he’s willing to die if it means winning the war. Somehow that thought doesn’t comfort her.

A single nod.

One, small nod and it’s over. One nod, and she feels the anguish and fear and confusion of thousands of people all at once.

Someone offers her a hand, and she’s not sure how she ended up on the floor.

And then nothing. She feels as if all of her senses disappear at once. Like she’s lost a part of herself that she didn’t even know could disappear. The world feels dull and empty. She tries to reach out, but nothing happens.

\--------

Usually, a victory is celebrated with singing and drinking and anecdotes about fallen comrades.

There is no singing today. No relieved smiles, or hopeful laughs, or people congratulating her.

(She doesn’t want there to be. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Not Revan, not Alek, not the kind and quiet tech.

She doubts she’ll ever get the blood off her hands.)

She spends the rest of her night packing.


End file.
